that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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