My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.