he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize