marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
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The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
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It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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