you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
