mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
