I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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