Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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