1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I can't turn off my feet"
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
