Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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