Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
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