I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
