I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
