DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
