How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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