I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I have feelings that need drinking.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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