Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
