All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
