Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
