awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
