just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
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there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
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Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize