we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
