Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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