____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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