nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
