People in love make me want to vomit
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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