i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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