Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
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