i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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