THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
