I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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