Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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