I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vagina is talking i cant
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize