I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
