We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize