oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
