You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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