So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
