He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
You need Xanax blowdarts
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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