walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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