I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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