So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
