I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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