hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
