i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
