State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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