Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
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I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
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I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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