Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Where is the hickey?
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
