So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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