Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
