I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
