Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
