My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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