I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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