the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
