Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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