i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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