If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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