We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
