I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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