I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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