I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.