I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
